he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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