i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
