Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
