i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
