it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
