He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
