paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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