Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
oh god was she eating orange peels again
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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