Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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