It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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