so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
