Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
