saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
