so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
