@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
