If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
