You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
