whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Success! We fucked roommates!
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