There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
