he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
