if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
