The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
