so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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