I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you had me at cake vodka
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
