I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
