There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
