i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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