I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
