I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
