Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
