Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
No stitches, just platelets and will power
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
