Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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