I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
