the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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