so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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