Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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