Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
