I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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