the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
