We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
