He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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