I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i think i just lost a toe
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
