My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
