My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
