over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
