It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
