Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
