I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
