I'm going to jail i love you
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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