i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
