I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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